Academic newsflash!!!!
Mary Kearney was granted tenure yesterday!!!!! A collective sigh of "'bout motherfunkin' time" could be heard emanating from the annual RTF end of the year party at the home of Thomas Schatz where the decision was announced.
I myself heard from the ever modest Matt Payne who was far too modest in this context. At the party, he whispers that he has something to tell me. So we go outside for some privacy only to be confronted with one Nick Muntean. I didn't know if what Matt had to say was secret. So I tried not to engage Nick in a lengthy, compelling conversation, say, about nunsploitation, my new favorite film genre and latest obsession.
After about five minutes spent trying NOT to talk about nunsploitation, I'm breaking out in a characteristic sweat. FINALLY Matt turns to me and says "I just heard - Mary got tenure!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"
I ran inside and told EVERYONE including a couple who would've been living out a Sirk melodrama had Mary NOT gotten tenure. Bigmouth strikes again.
I wasn't sure if we were supposed to know. But when Mary arrived, a sizable crowd formed around her. So then I knew it was okay to give her a hug. We congratulated each other (me for my less milestoneish achievement). It was quite moving.
And sheesh - the entire evening was positively intense and intensely positive - new babies, secret marriages, leads on dream jobs, champagne (and amaretto) toast to Mary, something potentially cool for me that I'm soooo not going to talk about for fear of jinxing (Bigmouth does NOT strike again), etc. Amongst the colorful characters there included an actress who starred in Fletch, a gal who wanted to talk to me because she heard such great things about me (from Donna Deville who hates my new long hair and was NOT impressed that I lost 3 pounds), the guy who made my favorite film in The Film Loop (who? wha?) student showcase, and a nutter 6th year PhD British bisexual who was off to Oilcan Harry's to get his "top off, greased up, and grooved on" and who hit on...wait for it...Nick Marx.
I forced Mary to drink some of my $11 amaretto. She asked what you drink when you become a full professor. "Why, the peanut butter and jelly shot (Frangelico + Chambord), of course!"
Elissa Nelson and I got TOTALLY DITCHED by Courtney Hate and the snooty first year PhDs. So we rang David Uskie up and he met us at the Kerbey Lane Kerbey Lane. I so thought it'd be a drunken good time. Instead, it was a deeply intellectual good time. We're all three dissertating on the 1980s so we had some truly gripping conversations about hardcore punk, Heathers, and The Breakfast Club, a film I have an even more intense love/hate relationship with than Groundhog Day.
Note to Dave Gurney: a waitress told me that we are legends at Kerbey Lane for our pancake slapping!!!
I myself heard from the ever modest Matt Payne who was far too modest in this context. At the party, he whispers that he has something to tell me. So we go outside for some privacy only to be confronted with one Nick Muntean. I didn't know if what Matt had to say was secret. So I tried not to engage Nick in a lengthy, compelling conversation, say, about nunsploitation, my new favorite film genre and latest obsession.
After about five minutes spent trying NOT to talk about nunsploitation, I'm breaking out in a characteristic sweat. FINALLY Matt turns to me and says "I just heard - Mary got tenure!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"
I ran inside and told EVERYONE including a couple who would've been living out a Sirk melodrama had Mary NOT gotten tenure. Bigmouth strikes again.
I wasn't sure if we were supposed to know. But when Mary arrived, a sizable crowd formed around her. So then I knew it was okay to give her a hug. We congratulated each other (me for my less milestoneish achievement). It was quite moving.
And sheesh - the entire evening was positively intense and intensely positive - new babies, secret marriages, leads on dream jobs, champagne (and amaretto) toast to Mary, something potentially cool for me that I'm soooo not going to talk about for fear of jinxing (Bigmouth does NOT strike again), etc. Amongst the colorful characters there included an actress who starred in Fletch, a gal who wanted to talk to me because she heard such great things about me (from Donna Deville who hates my new long hair and was NOT impressed that I lost 3 pounds), the guy who made my favorite film in The Film Loop (who? wha?) student showcase, and a nutter 6th year PhD British bisexual who was off to Oilcan Harry's to get his "top off, greased up, and grooved on" and who hit on...wait for it...Nick Marx.
I forced Mary to drink some of my $11 amaretto. She asked what you drink when you become a full professor. "Why, the peanut butter and jelly shot (Frangelico + Chambord), of course!"
Elissa Nelson and I got TOTALLY DITCHED by Courtney Hate and the snooty first year PhDs. So we rang David Uskie up and he met us at the Kerbey Lane Kerbey Lane. I so thought it'd be a drunken good time. Instead, it was a deeply intellectual good time. We're all three dissertating on the 1980s so we had some truly gripping conversations about hardcore punk, Heathers, and The Breakfast Club, a film I have an even more intense love/hate relationship with than Groundhog Day.
Note to Dave Gurney: a waitress told me that we are legends at Kerbey Lane for our pancake slapping!!!
posted by Kevin John Bozelka at 7:10 PM
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