Tuesday, May 01, 2007

American Idol 5/1/2006

I can't even remember what last week's theme was. Write in with the answer and I'm sure I'll have something witty to say about it.

Tonight was Bon Jovi aka rock which you knew by all the instrumentalists joining several contestants in the limelight. Gotta keep that authenticity quotient up.

Good night overall, especially considering none of the remaining six are rock types. I don't know - is Chris rock at all? I still think his best performance was that "Pig in the Stink" or "Pig in the Pink" or whatever that Jason Mraz song was called. But is Jason Mraz rock? What is Jason Mraz, for that matter (besides very, VERY pretty)? Singer-songwriter? But that has such folky connotations. Certainly not R&B even though I think that's what Chris is aiming for (wonder if he has Timbaland's cell number yet). Anyhoo, Chris' "Wanted Dead or Alive" was zzzzzzzzzz on arrival. His winning just-fucked looks have now officially failed him.

Jordin (sp?) fucked up - an object lesson for those who think softer versifying is easier than belted chorusifying.

And Phil...ugh. Number six with a bullet (please). Stuart called him a blank slate which sounds great in pop theory. I reminded him of such divine cyphers as Aaliyah and Taana Gardner (those double A's!). But I just realized the sexism (and racism?) inherent in that conclusion. Are only women available for blank musical slates? Who are the male counterparts? I'm blankin' (get it?). The teen idols? Billy Joel? In short, is our discomfort with Phil a result of this apparent mismatch between men and a certain chameleonic spot-changing? Maybe so. But sometimes blank equals blah (e.g. Celine Dion whose duo with Dead Elvis was grody indeed although I bet The King would've loved it) and as with most things Idol, there's just no music to the guy. At least Aaliyah had Timbaland. And Taana Gardner has one of the greatest singles of all-time (see my 1980s singles list to the right). He needs a similar sort of setting in order to get by and Idol simply doesn't provide them.

So you have to provide them for yourself which Blake did beautifully. His pomo "You Give Love a Bad Name" (is that the name?) gave me goosebumps. But I'm willing to concede that 1/4 of those bumps were because he looked so bon, Simon Le Bon, to be precise. The man is music; but new wave is his destiny. Get gayer. Asymmetricalize your hair. Never get enough.

As for the soul gals, Melinda was more consistent than Lekisha. But Lekisha got to the top of the mountain with that attitudinal stare before the last line. Maybe she was cheating by choosing one of Bon Jovi's "soul" songs. But so what? It's not as if Simon is out to sign a Betty Davis (I hope).


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