Krampus (Michael Dougherty, 2015)

Due to a fascination with the Krampus myth (we need something harsher than mere coal in your stocking to scare American children into being good), I had high hopes for this film. But the beast doesn't even show its face until 77 minutes into a 97-minute movie. Before then, the monsters are various evil snowmen, animated killer toys, and some goblin types (I think - many cat naps were had). Why director/co-writer Michael Dougherty had Sid's toys from Toy Story take center stage instead of, um, Krampus remains a mystery. How he roped some fairly substantial names such as Adam Scott, Toni Collette, and Conchata Farrell into a excruciatingly dull, painfully unfunny bad-family horror-comedy remains a mystery as well. As I always say about such botches, I hope the catering was good. And the best I can say for this particular botch is that unless someone can convince me that any of the Krampus sequels or offshoots are at Jeanne Dielman x Aftersun levels of greatness, I will be saving many precious minutes avoiding them all.

Grade: D