Ten stereotypical gay things that leave me cold

An idea shamelessly mopped from Alfred Soto, this post shall serve as a reminder that I'm gay but, to quote a classic Jim Carrey skit from In Living Color, not to an insane degree. Soto is wrong on 9 to 5 - it is, in fact, awesome and you do, in fact, owe it allegiance. But we share such an indifference to a certain diva that we both placed her at #1 (although Soto will claim, with overstated pride, that his list is not ranked). 

1. Barbra Streisand - Great voice, bad singer. For more, meet me at Julius' for Negronis. 

2. Horror films - Grow up. For more, ditto.

3. Shopping - Crate digging held no romance for me; Napster/Apple Music couldn't be invented quickly enough. That's why I loved record conventions. Unlike dusty stores helmed by scowling proprietors, conventions always had a dude on a microphone asking the entire room if anyone had a copy of that damn second Insect Trust album. But I rarely shop for anything. I know what I want and I know how to get it. From entrance to cashier, it takes me about ten minutes to get groceries (five minutes at Trader Joe's). All other staples come to me via what often seems like osmosis aka a husband who loves shopping. New shoes and toothbrushes appear as reliably as new Jandek product. 

4. Home design - I have no interior decorating gene. Homes are shells for cats and media. But I recognize the benefit to our psyches of an uncluttered living space. 

5. Fashion - I do have an interest in fashion. I just don't know how to dress myself for anything but extreme comfort and maximum sweat eradication. If I had my druthers, I'd wear a muumuu every day.  

6. Incorrect camp classics - Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (too arch), Valley of the Dolls (too dull), Death Becomes Her (too half-baked), Auntie Mame (too stilted), etc. 

7.  Coquettishness - Or foppishness perhaps. A playful, non-committal mode that's annoying enough in critics who cannot take a stance or change their stance faster than they change bed sheets. But it has material ramifications when you're trying to make plans. Plane tickets and hotel rooms have been purchased, subways have been taken, and you still cannot commit to a time to meet? Get your shit together. 

8. Disney - Most of the films/series are Not For Me Dot Com. And Fire Island >>> Disney World. Cheaper too.

9. Heartstopper - But really, lots and lots of gay films/series. 

10. Not realizing Madonna's best album is You Can Dance (and that includes Confessions II).