Belfast (Kenneth Branagh, 2021)

I expected something dull and prestigious and got laughably awful instead. Kenneth Branagh's semi-autobiographical account of his upbringing in Belfast is the Soccer Mummy of war-seen-through-the-eyes-of-a-child films. It takes place during the Troubles which you hear about mostly via the telly. But because Branagh locks into all the corny beats of the genre so rigidly, the conflict could be the Vietnam War, WWII, the Hundred Years' War. Check off all the hallmarks as they pass before you. Black and white to show he means it, man. Color travelogue shots of Eire. Van Morrison choking the soundtrack. Young boy gaining confidence with a girl (how else are we to know when the film is coming to an end?). Grandma and grandpa dancing to the songs of old. Shoplifting as first ritual into adulthood. The nadir comes during the climactic stand off between the lead local rioter and lead dad Jamie Dornan scored to the Tex Ritter theme for High Noon which the family were watching on the telly earlier on. Or was the nadir Dornan's out-of-nowhere karaoke performance of "Everlasting Love"? 

Grade: D